Leaving on a Jet Plane...

It's finally here, we leave tomorrow.  Bags are (mostly) packed, I'm pretty sure we've purchased almost every item Target carries in the last few weeks, we have 10 kinds of hand sanitizer with us and we have Chinese currency in our wallets.  

We're getting on a plane headed to Chicago tomorrow afternoon and then onto Beijing from there.  

There is this Friends episode (queue eye rolling from my friends who know I quote this show far too often) when Chandler is about to get marries and he panics, he gets cold feet.  So his friends tell him to take things one step at a time.  Take a shower.  Get dressed.  Walk out the door, etc. And eventually  he gets married.  Taking everything in at once is just too much, and that's how I feel.   I can't take it all in at once because it's too overwhelming so I'm just trying to take things a step at a time.  Finish packing.  Take Brooklyn to school.  Get to Airport.  And before I know it, I'll be in China and some one will be handing me my son.  

My son.  Still feels strange to say!  We installed his carseat in our car today and I think it's making things even more real for Brooklyn.  We will sure miss that little girl.  So so so much. 

Last night in my discipleship group we had a great discussion about the book we are reading called "Life with God".  One part I particularly loved said

"Life with God is an ongoing, ever-changing, relational adventure.  It is not a matter of being driven through life, stopping every now and then to get out of the car and see the surroundings.  God invites us to climb into the landscape of our journey, to breath deeply with full lungs, to feel blood pulsing through muscles doing what they were made to do, to experience the wonder of having a body with which to see and hear and smell and taste and touch this astonishing world."

I loved it because I feel like most of my life I've only gotten out of the car for a moment, when it's safe to do something new, and then hopped right back in to my comfort zone.  This trip, this adoption, feels like I'm jumping out of the car and running the opposite direction.  I am excited to experience another little piece of this astonishing, beautiful, world God has made and do a little part of what God created us to do.  

And then my D group ladies prayed for us.  They prayed for our safety and for peace and for our sweet little ones.  They prayed for health and smooth roads ahead for us.  It was so beautiful and genuine.  I am so thankful for them and for everyone that has been and will be praying for us.  

I hope to update our blog or Facebook page daily so you can follow along and give a specific prayer request for the upcoming day if you want to pray along with us as well.

Here we go!  Richard Foster also says in "Life with God", "God is always ready and willing to take what we can do in order to accomplish within us what we cannot do on our own."  I can't do any of this on my own and I'm so glad we are not going alone on this journey.  God's already there!

So I can just be me....

So, I confess I've had a little anxiety lately. Ok, maybe a lot of anxiety lately. This world is scary, right? And it's even scarier when you think about leaving your baby girl to travel to the other side of the world for two weeks. The gravity of this has been weighing on me. What ifs have been plaguing my mind and, at times, paralyzing me. Terrorists, Ebola, protests, mosquitos carrying disease....It's enough to send anyone to their closet and not want to leave (so, maybe this happened once. Or twice) :)

And then I had an epiphany today as I listened to Laura Story's "So I can just be me". I’ve been trying to be God. I've been trying to hold everything together and do things I was just never made to do. That's WAY too much responsibility for me to carry. Trying to play God in my life will lead me nowhere. Being brave is not my strongest asset. Good thing God is so good at it.

Here are the lyrics. It's been on repeat today. I can't help but think that when Laura wrote this song God knew, "One of my dear children will need to hear this someday". And boy did I...

Two weeks from today we board that plane for China!

I've been doing all that I can
To hold it all together
Piece by piece.
I've been feeling like a failure,
Trying to be braver
Than I could ever be.
It's just not me.

So be my healer, be my comfort, be my peace.
Cause I can be broken, I can be needy,
Lord I need You now to be,
Be my God, so I can just be me.

I've been living like an orphan,
Trying to belong here,
But it's just not my home.
I've been holding on so tightly,
To all the things that I think
Could satisfy my soul.
But I'm letting go...

So be my father, my mighty warrior, be my king.
Cause I can be scattered, frail and shattered,
Lord I need You now to be,
Be my God, so I can just be me.

Cause I was lost in this dark world
Until I was finally found in You
So now I'm needing, desperately pleading
Oh Lord, be all to me

And be my savior, be my lifeline, won't You be my everything.
Cause I'm so tired of trying to be someone
I was never meant to be
Be my God
Please be my God
Be my God
So I can just be me
So I can just be me
I can just be me.

We Have Tickets!!

At the beginning of this process, over a year ago, I remember looking at the overwhelming list of paperwork to complete and thinking it would never end.  And here we are.  We just received the last and final approval we needed to travel to China to pick up our son - the Chinese government issued our Travel Approval. 

And we just booked our plane tickets.  My first trip out of the country.  To three different cities across China.  For two weeks.  To adopt a child.  That's a lot for this I-prefer-my-comfort-zone momma to take in!

We are scheduled to leave on 10/15 to Chicago and then onto Beijing from there where we will start our trip and return direct from Hong Kong to DFW arriving on 10/30.  Our "Charlie Day" - the day they place Charlie in our arms - will be 10/20 and we will finalize his adoption on 10/21. I get goose bumps just typing it!!

At Church we are studying the book of Jonah and our pastor challenged us to remember to be thankful for what God has done for us.  Looking back over this journey and how far God has brought us in the last year, I am truly in awe of His goodness.  So many things had to fall into place to bring us to this point.  So many people have given us such prayers, support and love.  I have met so many new friends in the adoption community both local and across the country that have provided me encouragement.  God planted a seed in our hearts that has grown into such great passion for adoption, for orphans and for China. He has made my world so much bigger.  He has encouraged me and settled my anxious heart a thousand times, as I know he'll do again a thousand times more.  What a mighty God we serve.

So what's next?  We prepare!  Packing for two weeks, especially for a child you've never met, is quite a task. We have a to-do list a mile long but we'll get through it one by one.  I also want to soak in the last month we have as a family of three. 

And, of course, we pray.  Pray for safe travels, pray for Brooklyn as we are gone and return with a new little brother, pray for us as we adjust to a new culture and new child, and pray for Charlie as his life is flipped up-side down.  Will you join us in prayer?

It's all about him....

I know I said the next post would be about the nursery, and it will be coming soon, but I had something my heart I just needed to write.

I have known from the beginning that this adoption journey is not about me.  We decided to adopt because we wanted to respond to God's calling to us, to bring a child into this family we are so very blessed to have been given.

But somewhere in all the paperwork and the preparation and the fingerprints and the adoption acronyms, I feel like I've gotten lost.  I've become so caught up in the details of traveling and completing forms that I think the gravity of our mission has been buried. 

And it just hit me again....

Charlie is our son.  He needs a family.  He needs a mom to kiss his boo boos when he falls down and rock him to sleep at night.  He needs a dad to do tickle fights with him on the floor and tell him he's so proud to have him as a son.  He could care less what types of pants I pack or international cell phone plan I have..... 

This is all about our son, Charlie. 

This is all about our Savior who made adoption possible to fix what the world has broken.  God will give me the patience I need to become a mom of two toddlers 10 months apart, the wisdom to answer my children's tough questions when they come and the ability to complete everything we need to get done before we travel.   

I just need to hand all the details and anxiety to Him and keep my focus on what this is really about...

Father, please help me to keep my eyes on you.  Help me to trust you've got the important stuff covered.  I want to shine your light into the life of this child and let him know how greatly he is loved.  Thank you for Charlie and for adoption and help the time to pass quickly until we can bring him home.  Amen.