So I can just be me....

So, I confess I've had a little anxiety lately. Ok, maybe a lot of anxiety lately. This world is scary, right? And it's even scarier when you think about leaving your baby girl to travel to the other side of the world for two weeks. The gravity of this has been weighing on me. What ifs have been plaguing my mind and, at times, paralyzing me. Terrorists, Ebola, protests, mosquitos carrying disease....It's enough to send anyone to their closet and not want to leave (so, maybe this happened once. Or twice) :)

And then I had an epiphany today as I listened to Laura Story's "So I can just be me". I’ve been trying to be God. I've been trying to hold everything together and do things I was just never made to do. That's WAY too much responsibility for me to carry. Trying to play God in my life will lead me nowhere. Being brave is not my strongest asset. Good thing God is so good at it.

Here are the lyrics. It's been on repeat today. I can't help but think that when Laura wrote this song God knew, "One of my dear children will need to hear this someday". And boy did I...

Two weeks from today we board that plane for China!

I've been doing all that I can
To hold it all together
Piece by piece.
I've been feeling like a failure,
Trying to be braver
Than I could ever be.
It's just not me.

So be my healer, be my comfort, be my peace.
Cause I can be broken, I can be needy,
Lord I need You now to be,
Be my God, so I can just be me.

I've been living like an orphan,
Trying to belong here,
But it's just not my home.
I've been holding on so tightly,
To all the things that I think
Could satisfy my soul.
But I'm letting go...

So be my father, my mighty warrior, be my king.
Cause I can be scattered, frail and shattered,
Lord I need You now to be,
Be my God, so I can just be me.

Cause I was lost in this dark world
Until I was finally found in You
So now I'm needing, desperately pleading
Oh Lord, be all to me

And be my savior, be my lifeline, won't You be my everything.
Cause I'm so tired of trying to be someone
I was never meant to be
Be my God
Please be my God
Be my God
So I can just be me
So I can just be me
I can just be me.

We Have Tickets!!

At the beginning of this process, over a year ago, I remember looking at the overwhelming list of paperwork to complete and thinking it would never end.  And here we are.  We just received the last and final approval we needed to travel to China to pick up our son - the Chinese government issued our Travel Approval. 

And we just booked our plane tickets.  My first trip out of the country.  To three different cities across China.  For two weeks.  To adopt a child.  That's a lot for this I-prefer-my-comfort-zone momma to take in!

We are scheduled to leave on 10/15 to Chicago and then onto Beijing from there where we will start our trip and return direct from Hong Kong to DFW arriving on 10/30.  Our "Charlie Day" - the day they place Charlie in our arms - will be 10/20 and we will finalize his adoption on 10/21. I get goose bumps just typing it!!

At Church we are studying the book of Jonah and our pastor challenged us to remember to be thankful for what God has done for us.  Looking back over this journey and how far God has brought us in the last year, I am truly in awe of His goodness.  So many things had to fall into place to bring us to this point.  So many people have given us such prayers, support and love.  I have met so many new friends in the adoption community both local and across the country that have provided me encouragement.  God planted a seed in our hearts that has grown into such great passion for adoption, for orphans and for China. He has made my world so much bigger.  He has encouraged me and settled my anxious heart a thousand times, as I know he'll do again a thousand times more.  What a mighty God we serve.

So what's next?  We prepare!  Packing for two weeks, especially for a child you've never met, is quite a task. We have a to-do list a mile long but we'll get through it one by one.  I also want to soak in the last month we have as a family of three. 

And, of course, we pray.  Pray for safe travels, pray for Brooklyn as we are gone and return with a new little brother, pray for us as we adjust to a new culture and new child, and pray for Charlie as his life is flipped up-side down.  Will you join us in prayer?

It's all about him....

I know I said the next post would be about the nursery, and it will be coming soon, but I had something my heart I just needed to write.

I have known from the beginning that this adoption journey is not about me.  We decided to adopt because we wanted to respond to God's calling to us, to bring a child into this family we are so very blessed to have been given.

But somewhere in all the paperwork and the preparation and the fingerprints and the adoption acronyms, I feel like I've gotten lost.  I've become so caught up in the details of traveling and completing forms that I think the gravity of our mission has been buried. 

And it just hit me again....

Charlie is our son.  He needs a family.  He needs a mom to kiss his boo boos when he falls down and rock him to sleep at night.  He needs a dad to do tickle fights with him on the floor and tell him he's so proud to have him as a son.  He could care less what types of pants I pack or international cell phone plan I have..... 

This is all about our son, Charlie. 

This is all about our Savior who made adoption possible to fix what the world has broken.  God will give me the patience I need to become a mom of two toddlers 10 months apart, the wisdom to answer my children's tough questions when they come and the ability to complete everything we need to get done before we travel.   

I just need to hand all the details and anxiety to Him and keep my focus on what this is really about...

Father, please help me to keep my eyes on you.  Help me to trust you've got the important stuff covered.  I want to shine your light into the life of this child and let him know how greatly he is loved.  Thank you for Charlie and for adoption and help the time to pass quickly until we can bring him home.  Amen.

We're moving along....

Things have been moving forward since our last update when we got our LOA! In the last month, we have completed several milestones including receiving our I-800 provisional approval, filing our DS-260, starting our Article 5 process and submitting our Visa applications. I know these steps mean nothing to most of you, but they are important to being able to get to our son. These steps have definitely been the most confusing part so far!

Here's the super simple explanation of each of these documents:

- The I-800 is an immigration document filed with the U.S. government to approve our adoption. We receive provisional approval from the United States Citizenship and Immigration Services and then our Case is forwarded to the National Visa Center who sends that approval to China for us. We are provisionally approved until our Visa documents are received and approved.

- We can then file the DS-260 online which is basically a visa application for Charlie

- Our Article 5 is a letter that tells China the U.S. has determined we are eligible and suited to adopt, that Charlie may enter and reside permanently in the United States, and that the U.S. Central Authority agrees that the adoption may proceed. It takes about two weeks to process this and we should receive approval on 8/26.

We also filed for our Visa documents to enter China. This step requires that we send our passports, our actual physical passports, to a courier to take to the Chinese Consulate. They will actually stamp our passports and send them back to us so we can enter China.  I don't think I've been so nervous shipping anything!  If anything happens to those passports... 

 

According to our Agency, assuming everything continues on schedule, this means we should travel October 15 to China. If you haven’t looked at a calendar lately, that is TWO MONTHS away. Holy moly!

October seems like forever away and so soon at the same time. Everything has been process, process, process up to this point and the "process" part is almost over. Charlie will be here and in our lives forever in no time at all. I am also realizing that so much in my life will change, too, which is overwhelming at times. I can't imagine how overwhelming this must be for him considering everything in his life is about to change. Please pray for his little heart. He will be experiencing so much loss and we will have to help him process through it all.

Next Update...Nursery pictures!!