Be Still...

We've been waiting 54 days so far for our LOA from China. This wait is tough and I've really found it to be quite a rollercoaster of emotions. Some days I'm perfectly content to wait for God's timing, other days I'm so anxious I can't stand it. But the past few days have mostly been spent thinking.

I've been thinking a lot about the hearts of my kiddos.

Brooklyn will be way too young to really understand this thing called adoption that is rocking her world. Although we talk about it, she will really just see that Mommy and Daddy leave for a long time and come back with a little boy who she now has to share her home with. She may adjust to this very well, but I don't want her sweet heart for one second to think she has been replaced. I'm sure this is a normal thought for any parent bringing home a new child; nonetheless, I worry about this.

I have been thinking about our little Charlie's heart. I always want him to know he is loved and wanted.  I do not know the details of his birth family, nor will I try to fill in the blanks, but what I do know is that his birth mother wanted to give him life. She wanted him to be here. She will always have a hole in her heart as she thinks of him. That's what mother's do; we want the very best for our children. I believe, down to the deepest part of me, that we were in God's plan for this little boy from the beginning. I am humbled by the opportunity to love our Charlie everyday with the kind of love that tells him he is treasured, he is special and he serves an important role in this world. Most importantly, he is loved by his Heavenly Father. We want to be his parents so badly we will jump through paperwork hoops, endure personal scrutiny and step (completely) out of our comfort zones to fly to the other side of the world to bring him home. We will mess up a lot in his life and he will struggle with doubts, I'm sure, but I never want him to doubt our love.

I think about how we're going to step up to the challenge of being a voice for adoption and an advocate for our child's privacy. We realize we will be a walking ad for adoption everywhere we go. Our family won't look like every other family, and I actually love that, but this will spur questions. People will ask us intensely personal questions about our son and about how our family was formed and I want to handle this with grace and patience. I pray that God gives us the words, not only for ourselves, but for our children, too. Brooklyn and Charlie will likely get questions at the park or at school about our family. I want to empower them to respond to these questions with confidence, being proud of who they are - who we are.

Obviously, my brain will not stop thinking about these things once Charlie is home with us. I am trying to embrace God's sweet whisper in my ear to "Be Still". Be still...maybe that's what God wants me to learn in these 54 days and counting. I won't have all the answers but, God didn't ask me to. He knew my abilities, and inabilities, before He called me here.  He simply asks me to put one step in front of the other in obedience as He lights the path.